Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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