I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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