my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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