I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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