we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
