I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
