he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
