I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
