I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
