Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
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