I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
