I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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