I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
