It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
