I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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