You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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