girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
