you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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