I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
