It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
