You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In America we eat man semen.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
