I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
