I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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