Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want a musical about memes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
