in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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