Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize