I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
