He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
