So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
