If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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