what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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