I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
