note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
