:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
