Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
