So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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