I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
