You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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