Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize