I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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