I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
