Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize