dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
