And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
