he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
