We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize