Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
