Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
