I can text with my tongue
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
