Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
