it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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