Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
