around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
