I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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