just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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