Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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