i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
