the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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