Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
