My hand turned me down
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
