i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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