pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize