Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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