Who wears a wallet chain?!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
