I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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