is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
