come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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