My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
