Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
