I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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