well you can't waste a boner
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Randomize