I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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