did you get engaged???
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
