I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
