I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
