yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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