If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
