it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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