my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
