I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
