NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
