I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize