This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
