genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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