i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
