Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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