I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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