He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
