She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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