I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
