trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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