I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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