In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize