its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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