Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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