the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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