Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
