Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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