How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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