Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
